Dating during recovery from codependency
I printed out the steps so you can read them in case you don’t know what they are.
I finally found a sponsor, and we will start meeting once a week on Tuesdays for lunch. He said they should take about a year to complete on average, but this can vary from person to person.
In a minute I’ll explain what she doesn’t need to know.
If you are one of those who is taking recovery seriously you have probably received guidance from many individuals: therapists, sponsors, coaches, books, meetings, etc. It is important to remember that those who are there to help you through your personal recovery are not often marriage experts and some of their well-meaning marriage advice may hurt more than help. By putting your recovery first you are doing what is best for her. Ignore all advice that sounds anything like what I mentioned above–that “her side of the street” stuff. So, how do you let your wife in while respecting the anonymity of the group, while being able to feel safe in your counseling sessions without having to worry about having to go back and report everything that was said? Give her so much information that she doesn’t have to ask.
Don’t let her hold you back.” Men tell me all the time that this is the kind of advice they are being given. And it can feel like such a relief to hear that her rage and withdrawal and mood swings are not your fault. I say this not to shame you, but to hopefully help make all this a little easier on you. She is doubting everything because you gave her reason to. Ask her how you can help her feel safer about your recovery. Instead of being frustrated that she is not where you would like her to be in her healing process, consider how blessed you are that she is still here at all!
One way you can make your relationship with your wife go a little more smoothly is to keep her informed of what your recovery looks like and even allow her to be involved. Ask her what you can do to make her feel like she is a part of your recovery. If your wife is the one who sent you this article, don’t get upset or feel like she is trying to control you. The above examples of what wives want and deserve to know can feel daunting.
Both of us had already filed prior to this meeting.
My divorce was over in a few months but his took longer - 15 months.